Loneliness is the feeling of being left out or not being included in a group or a friend circle or in a crowd.
Many a time in our life even if we are in a crowded place with a lot of our friends and family we feel as though we have been left out and that there is no one who actually wants us there. I have had these feelings a lot and I find it hard to get along with people easily.
The main problem is that the wavelength of their thoughts and my thoughts do not match, and I tend to close up, I have tried to get into groups but yet not found the correct set of people in my life.
I have a friend who is such a loving person and is single and has been part of many active groups and is a person who loves to meet people and is actually always found surrounded by groups of people around him. Yet when I sit down with him, I have actually realized that he is very lonely.
The groups that he moves around and the people that he mixes up with he tries to create some kind of an element so that people like him and laugh at him and talk to him. Basically, he is able to keep all the attention drawn toward himself but when he looks deep within his heart, he finds that if he did not do the things that he did or the money that he spent, this same group of people will not even look at him the second time.
When I look at him the only thing that I am able to say is that he is looking at being accepted and when he does not find that he starts behaving in such a way that the people around will like him.
The main issue here is not that he is lonely but that he has something missing in himself that he is trying to fill up. His heart yearns for that one thing that he wants and has not been able to achieve that. That one thing could be anything, it could be the love of someone whom he has loved and not got back the love from or the absence of a good childhood. The root cause of many of these issues are related to childhood trauma’s or childhood regrets and these could range from any kind of trauma that he might have gone through.
The overall effect of all these is actually not loneliness but a complex range of problems that has been created over a period of days, months and years. This is not a problem that could be solved by just filling in the vacuum created in his life. This is something that requires proper therapy and during the therapy, we need to take this person back to the time when these issues occurred in his life. At that point, we need to together fight with the fears of that time and walk back to the present after healing the past.
The past of our lives actually plays a big part in how we respond to things in the present. One of the main ways that we could deal with the past is to work with a therapist and release forgiveness into the situation and keep moving forward in life. Most of us have been taught and shown that vengeance is something that will help us find closure in our lives, but the truth is that we will achieve true healing in life only when we release forgiveness, as we start the process of forgiveness and work our way back to the present we will slowly start getting the sense of completeness and with that the effect of loneliness will be removed.